Maybe I'm Not as Ready as I Thought

I've been thinking about this for the longest time. My 18th birthday is less than three months away. That means I'll be allowed to date...the question is, will I be ready? It didn't occur to me until the middle of October that maybe I won't be ready to date by then. What really scares me, what if my judgement is clouded?

I've always been safe over my parent's rule. Both of them, especially my dad (haha), have always made sure I be careful by how close I get to a guy. I've always told guys upfront too, that I'm not allowed to date until I'm eighteen, & if they really like me, they'll wait. Both times that has happened...it hasn't ended well. Which has been hard on me, but I know that it wasn't God's will for me to be with them. When I finally toke a step back, I saw that they were both not mature in God as they let on. Which was stupid on both of our parts. So you can learn about what to look for in a guy, even if you're not in a "relationship".

The thing is, how can I be trusted to hold up the spiritual side of a relationship? I'm tired of doing that! Of being more spiritual than the guy I'm attracted to. It's so frustating to me to know one can become so close to God by a few easy steps, but they chose not to for whatever reason, mainly laziness. (Not just in guys, but girls too)

How could a guy be out there for me? Is there honestly guys out there my age that are on fire for the Lord? Because I seriously don't know any.

I don't want to just be in a relationship. I want a guy that is committed to me & spurs me on towards Christ's love all the more when I'm with him.