Darling, I am Waiting For...

So I think I had a dream about what my future husband is going to be like last night. I haven't had one of those dreams since I was fifteen I think. Wow, he was handsome haha. :) It was either him or just a random guy. I'm not sure. When I woke up I realized how much I longed to meet him, to be committed to him, to serve him, to love him. Gosh, I wish I knew him. I know that there are still things I need to do as a single lady of God, like things to do to serve Him alone. I'm not desperate for companionship because God fills my heart. But...I want to meet him. Just to meet him really & know his character. But then again, I guess I haven't met him because he would be a distraction right now to me serving the Lord, right? :)

Well its true. God knows best.

What Message Are You Sending?

"How do you see yourself?"

No seriously. Really think about that for a second. Tonight for some reason, I pulled out a DVD we watched 2008 at camp during missions week. Its called the Truth About Guys by Chad Eastham. Now we only watched it with the girls one night, of course, but it reminded me of so much I still need to work on as a woman of the Lord.

Chad kept asking the audience, "What you think about yourself, is how guys think about you." I guess I never gave it that much thought, but its true! I mean how many girls do you know that dress inappropriately because they think they only have one thing to give to guys. Their body. And guys see what these girls are wearing & UNDERSTAND the message they're sending. Thats why guys can be "jerks" sometimes. But is it really all their fault that they're blamed for using us & then leaving us? I mean, yes its horrible, & I'm definitely not saying its right. But if us girls are sending this message out to the guys, saying we don't think much of ourselves so we're going to show off our body, we're not really helping our brothers in Christ either. Guys have a brain that is so much more different than girls.

Guys see the message we're sending out, good or bad. A true Godly man wants a girl he can win over. A girl that he can fight for. Remember Jacob & Rachel from the Bible? Jacob loved & appreciate Rachel all the more after he spent all those years working for her father's blessing for them to marry. Whether it happens alot or not, I believe that there are guys who want to capture a girl's heart. I mean, really, if a guy worked for you like Jacob did for Rachel, wouldn't that seem something worth waiting for? Rachel meant so much to Jacob, he thought so highly of her. Honestly what kind of guy would do that if he didn't love her? Even if a guy just lust after her, he wouldn't have done that much for her.

So what message are you sending out? Cause its up to you.

This Summer is Going to be AMAZING! :)

Alright so I'm working my fourth summer as a counselor at camp, Natalie is coming for the summer to work again as well, a very cool staff girl is going to teach me how to play guitar when we're not working, Nat is going to be my work out buddy to help me get more in shape, &&&&&& did I mention that God is going to do amazing things?! Like He always does. :) I can already tell.

I'm pretty stoked about this summer.

What Was I Thinking?

What was I thinking that month? What did I see in them? Why did I shut God out? Why do I shut out God the most on this subject? I know & believe that God knows whats best for me...so why am I so impatient? Why couldn't I've had waited? Like really waited for His voice to direct me. I brought pain on myself. Again. Why didn't I learn my lesson from the first time around when I was fifteen? God loves me the most. Always has, always will. Why don't I live out what I know with my heart? Am I a hypocrite or what?! I'm more than ashamed, I'm embarrassed. I feel so foolish about how I've acted in the past. I know everyone regrets things from their past, but my regrets are a lot of the same thing. I believe that I am who I am today because God turned my mistakes into miracles, & I know God still isn't done transforming me. I guess more than often I just feel foolish because sometimes I let my heart direct my thoughts. And that's so stupid because the heart is deceitful, we can only rely on God. I know these things...so why don't I live them out as often as I should?

Playlist for May 2010

What A Savior-Laura Story

The Words I Would Say-Sidewalk Prophets

You Can Have Me-Sidewalk Prophets

A More Beautiful You-Jonny Diaz

Reach that Far-eleventyseven

Let the Waters Rise-Mikeschair

Safe-Phil Wickham

What Faith Can do-Kutless

I'm Pumped!

Hi there! Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice & be glad in it! I don't know why but I'm in a super good mood today. :) After I finish this blog I'm going to go walking around camp & get my Wiifit in before I eat lunch. Then I'm going to hopefully get some script writing done. (I'm trying to push through my writer's block) Then I'll leave to have dinner with my parents then I'm off to church for worship team practice. Which is what I wanna talk about. :)

So I've still been reading my Bible lately about the whole "where do women fit in in the church?" thing. Now I don't think its the Lord's calling for a women to be the head of a church. But when it comes to worshipping the Lord through song or through a message He laid on her heart, who should judge her? You can call it preaching if you want to put a label on it, but I'm staying strong in this.

But anyway, my music minister called me Monday while I was at my little sister's house visiting, & he wants me to be at church early tonight to practice worship for Sunday morning. Soooo I was pumped! Because after the craziness that one Sunday, I seriously doubt I would be allowed to help lead worship, even if it was just me, girl wise. But I get to!!! Also my youth pastor asked me & two other Seniors to share something that morning as well, a testimony from this past year. Yesterday morning I was seeking out the Lord & asking Him what He wanted me to talk about next Sunday, & He told me! So I'm now super pumped about that! :D I've been incredibly blessed.

I'm probably overusing the word "pumped", but I can't help it! I am! Also FIVE days until I'm in Florida for my Senior trip to Disney world! And guess what...I'M PUMPED!

Wow. What is happening with our churches?

So its exam week for me, but I can't really focus on that. God has given me alot to think about lately. Like below.

Disciple Now weekend is coming up next weekend, & to shake things up a little bit, some teenagers in the youth group decided that we needed to have a youth Sunday. So the Sunday on that weekend, the youth are going to be taking the place of alot of adults. Like we'll be in charge of almost the entire service. Well I was in youth choir yesterday & our music director was talking about how Eddy (our youth pastor) needed people to lead worship, & possibly preach. Well some of the girls, me included, were talking about who could do what in each service. We were getting excited about it! Then, one of the boys in my grade started saying how its not a woman place to lead worship or preach. Well alot of the girls started getting mad. But the guy definitely wasn't backing down.

Then we went to youth worship, where Eddy talked about what was going on with Disciple Now. Now honestly, I had no idea my church was Southern Baptist. I knew we were Baptist but thats it. I mean I don't really pay much attention to all those names. As long as the church believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, & the life, we're good. But as it turns out, my church believes the same. That a woman cannot lead worship or preach to the congregation. Needless to say, I was mad. I had no idea that it was an issue, not just with my church, but with alot of Baptist!

God works through all people. Male & female. And if God gave a woman a burden to share something from the scripture to her church, why should anyone stop her? I completely honor that a man is suppose to be the head of the household, I know without a doubt that is God's will. But when its comes just to being a Christian, why do people judge gender still?! I don't understand it, what makes a man more powerful than a woman in the world's eyes to share gospel? God sees us all as the same. He loves every single one of us the same way. I love my church, don't get me wrong, I really do. But I'm frustrated that certain people think that women can't preach the word of God.

Oh God. What is happening with Your church?